I look at my blog and i think that i can be a better blogger.. I see all the other blogs a follow and they know just how to put their words. I'm the kind of person who doesn't open up. It take me a long LONG time to tell someone how i feel. I always feel like i have no more to talk to, and the reason why is cause i don't open up! I don't like talking or expressing my feelings. That's bad for myself cause i always want to talk to someone, but i always think that they will shut me down, or make fun or me, or just hate me for how I'm feeling. I know i know I'm bad. But that's just who i am.
A lot of my trust issues started after Travis left me (Connor's......Dad). I felt like i wasn't good enough for anyone! Still i don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone. I think that i could be a better mom, better girlfriend, or daughter, and even a friend. I know that i could be better with all that. But i feel like I'll never be good enough! When Travis left me, i just knew it was all my fault. How could someone leave me when i was pregnant, carrying his child, and when i needed that person the MOST. Just up and leave me. I knew i had done something completely wrong in life. I felt lost and broken. I still do. And that's where mine and Logan problem comes in at. I need to let the past GO!!! The past has made me who i am today, but it doesn't need to control my life.
I'm ready to make a change. I don't have feelings for Travis. I haven't for 4 years, but when i look at Connor, i see him. I know if i let Travis go away from my mind, i can make a better life for my family! I can stop seeing Travis in my son and i can make a better life for Logan and I! I'm IN love with Logan and i want to be with him forever, but i don't think we can make a big step till i let go of my past. I need to let go of Travis hurting me. Logan inst Travis, and i know Logan would never leave me. He would never leave Connor! Logan is the Love of my life and i need to remember that I'M the love of his life! I need to believe it, and I'm trying to. Its just hard..
But I'm ready to let go of my past. I'm 20 years old, and i need to start making a future with My amily.
And I'm ready to start trusting the people in my life. I need to, or I'm going to lose myself. :)
I love you Logan so much!!!
FORGET WHAT HURT YOU IN THE PAST, BUT NEVER FORGET WHAT IT TAUGHT YOU!!
3 comments:
You say you arent good at opening up but first to admit something is a huge step. :) im glad yoj arent going to let your past control you. Its hard, but yoi can do it
I understand how you feel completely! I still think like that everyday, Like what did I do wrong? When in fact it was him. I have a hard time getting close to people now days too but you're far better off chelby and you're a great mom!
That's good advice for everyone. Not easy to do, but for the best.
Post a Comment