Worries and wants

As of today we have 40 more days till little Izaac due date. 

I dont remember much of Connor pregnancy and i think it because i was young and trying to hide it from everyone. So i really didnt get to enjoy it. Once everyone knew it was kinda a shock and a big blur. So with this pregnancy i have been able to enjoy it and be able to plan things out. 

But now that the day is coming so close, i'm also starting to freak out a little bit. 

I was young with Connor and i never really thought about labor and delivery. I just kinda went with the flow. But now i have a birth plan and i have a husband to talk with.   

I am having to figure out back up plans and everything. 

1- I go at night and i have my husband take me to the hospital. Yay perfect plan right..

2- Husband is at work, two hours away, who car pools each day. Then i will have to wait till he gets home at 5:30.

3- Husband takes his own car the last few weeks, make my parents take me , and meet Logan at the hospital. 

I want this labor and delivery to go totally different then Connors.

Everyone and their damn dog knew i was in labor and i had about 300000 people come and visit.. 

I hated it cause i hated to have people see me like that and i hated it cause i wasn't able to relax and enjoy my newborn son. 

So this time i am really hoping that it can be more relaxing. I want Logan and I to be the only ones in the room and really the only ones who will be at the hospital. I don't want 20 people in the waiting room waiting for Izaac to be born. 

I'm going to do kangaroo care right after and then start breastfeeding. I don't want anyone to hold or see Izaac till his brother gets to see him. Connor will be the first person other then Logan and myself to see Izaac and to hold him. I know most everyone will be upset with me cause its not fair. But i'm sorry i don't want Connor to feel left out and i don't want 20 people in the room with me after i give birth. That's why i really hoping to have him in the middle of the night. I want to be able to get clean up cause who likes to be sitting in all the nasty stuff you deal with at birth and try to visit with family and friends. 

My mother in law really hates the idea and we have already gotten into a few fights about this. But i really don't care. I want to be able to enjoy this Labor and Delivery, i want Connor to feel special and i want to go all natural. 

Speaking of going all natural. This is what i am most scared about. I was 16 when i had Connor and i got the epidural as soon as i could. 

But i hated the feel of not being able to move and not being able to move a few hours after i delivered him. So i'm really going to try and do this without any meds. 

So they will have a tub there ready for me, the exercise ball, and i will be able to walk around freely. Logan really helps me relax and he keeps me calm. I know lots of moms do this but i'm scared. I don't want to be the one screaming so loud that everyone can hear me and i don't want to be the one who is in tears cause i'm hurting. I want to be able to go natural and feel strong about it. 

So im scared, worried, excited, nervous, and just all around happy to finally be at the end. I cant just picture my little family.

I cannot wait to hold, kiss, and smell my son. 

I cannot wait to see the look on Logan face. I don't know if he will cry, or smile, or just stand there in disbelieve.

I also cannot wait to see how Big Brother Connor is going to act. I know how excited he is and how much he is wanting his little brother to be here at ready. 

I'm just ready to have our family...