Over the weekend i have been thinking so much lately. A little to much, to a point where I'm crying all the way home from Salt Lake. My grandma passed away about 7 years ago and there will be days that i just miss her more then anything and all i want to do is have her hold me and say everything will be alright. I know she can't but sometime thats all i need is her.
When i was little i was really close with my Dad's, Dad. My grandpa Higgins. All us cousin would go over every Christmas week and go make Christmas cookies all night and then have a sleep over. My Grandpa is HUGH into music. He has every Cd that has ever came out from Country to Rap. He dose this cause he wanted to be able to make us all the Cd in the world so we will love music as much as he dose. So in this back room where all of us would sleep he has Millions of CD and lights so we would have our own party. then the next morning all us would make breakfast and watch movies. (By the way my grandpa also had every movie you could think of) . I always looked forward to spend the night at my Grandpa Higgins, other then that we would see him every weekend so we were all so close when i was little. I MISS THAT!
When i was in 6th grade we moved here to Tooele. After that my Grandpa just never wanted to talk to us or anything. We would write him letter, call him, send pictures, wedding invites, grad invites, EVERYTHING, and we got nothing back not one thing at all. We tried for 9 year, we were hurt and didnt understand why he didnt want anything to do with us. My whole side of my dad's family just fell apart..
So about November, my Dad's sister found me on facebook, and told me that my grandpa most likely had cancer. My dad was scared and drove down to Idaho and finally my grandpa let him in the house so they could talk about everything. There was a lot of stuff that was going on with my grandpa and lies that my Aunt was saying so drama. BIG time drama. But the main thing is that my dad and grandpa are back together. Last week my Grandpa had to come to Salt Lake to see if it was really caner that he had... and it was. They arent sure if its Stomach, Liver, or Kidney. So he is coming back tomorrow and getting all these test done to see what kind of cancer it is. I'm so scared cause there was 9 years that we wasted. 9 years that i didnt know my grandpa, 9 years he missed out on my life. I know that everything will be okay. It has to be cause i've missed 9 years of knowing my grandpa. 9 YEARS.
Im beating myself up for this. I just think was there something more that i could of done? Did i not try hard enough? Dose he even want to know who we are anymore? There is just a million and one thought going through my head. Im just think the "WHAT IF'S". I love my grandpa so much, I'm just scared.
Anyways Wednesday, my dad is staying up at the hospital with him and making sure that he is okay. So Logan, Connor, and myself are going up to go see him. This will be the 2 time i've seen him. But this is the first time he will meet Logan and his first time meeting his great grandkids. I know it will be great to finally be able to see him and re-connect.
Please keep him in your prayers!
Here is a picture of me and my Grandpa with my sister and my Grandma
This was the first time that we had seen them in 9 years. It was at my sister in laws baby shower.
No comments:
Post a Comment