Fighting

I haven't been to a doctors for a very long time and when i say very it mean FOREVER. I think 6 plus years. I'm not meaning Ob Doctor cause that was 2 years ago. I mean the other one. haha
So you get what I'm throwing down. Its been a really long time..

Over the past year i just haven't felt myself. My stomach hurt all the time, i had headache everyday and they would never go away, I started getting heart burn and i was just down in the dumps..
I have been having a really hard time with my dad. Yes i know that he is okay and healthy but what we went thought was life changing and i just haven't been able to wrap my head around that. Its been a year and i still can remember what i was feeling at that time.
When i was up at the hospital with my dad everyday for three months. I never once let him see me cry... reason why is cause i needed to be strong for my dad, he needed me the most and i wasn't about to let him know i was having a hard time with it. When he was at his lowest point i was his back bone letting him know things were going to be okay. I was the one cheering him on as he took his first steps. I need to be strong for him.
So i have never really let me feelings go, i haven't been able to coup with it, or grieve.
I have noticed that my emotions have been through the sky. I'm happy one minute and crying the next. I feel so bad for Logan cause he is getting the bad end of the stick. This is why i love him so much. Even at my worst and when I'm treating him like dirt he is still there loving me like no other!

Anyway, I went to the doctor thinking i was depressed..

Sure enough i am depressed. Its hard to really know that's what has been wrong with me. I know i have been thinking i have been, but to know that i am, is kinda a slap in the face.

I also have stuff wrong with my stomach, get BAD headache and cant sleep at night.
So that just means i have to be on 4 different medication to help that out and my depression.
I hate knowing that i have to be on meds to make me feel like ME again. He thinks i should be on it for a year and after a year he will see where i am and judge it off that.

He also asked me about work. I have been very stressed out over work and he say alot of my stress and depression is caused by that. GREAT..

So lets hope this helps, so i can start feeling like me again. I have been in this VERY dark place and I'm ready to be out of it..