Top 11 in 2011

So i saw this on my bfffff blog and i thought it would be good to write something on here. something new. So here i go my top 11 in 2011 :)

 

Park City!

This year was a blast cause both our family got together and was able to spend it as one big family! It was so nice

 

 

My 20th birthday!

I was able to spend it with my best friend and my adorable niece! 

My family Reunion!

Lets just say this year was a time i will never forget! It was a pretty wild one! :)

Kate Perry

This was the first concert i was able to go with my sisters, and this was the very first one for Alyssa! It was so much fun!

Connor First day of school!

This little man was so excited to start school and now he is the smartest little 4 year old i know. He loves school!

My family!

Knowing that we can make it thought anything really made my year amazing! We now know that we can do anything and do great at it!

Mya puppies

This was such an amazing thing to see. The puppies were the funnies to play with, and mya was such an great mommy!

Matching tattoos and belly

This night was a night ill never forget! us sister just hanging out and being 13 again was just the topping of a great year!

2 year anniversary

To have this man in my life for two years in just plain amazing right. Im truly lucky!

Connor 4th birthday

Even thought we spend it in the hospital it was still a good day. He is such a smart little man and to know 4 years ago i was holding this tiny little baby and know i have a wild 4 year old!

Taken my dad outside

This was my top in 2011! It was a big thing knowing that my dad could go outside and just be normal again! To see him smile and laugh was amazing! He is truly my hero!!!

Well those were my top in 2011!

This year has had it many ups and lots of downs. I know 2012 holds great things for my family and I! I cant wait to see whats next!

Hope you all have a great new years!

Bad dream!

Yesterdst was a really bad day for me. I was down all day and just not up for anything. After the weekend when my dad kinda went down hill again it just totally changed my mind on everything. I was thinking we were out of the woods and was thinking he was going to be home soon. I was wrong. Anything can change In a short time. And things could go bad to good back to bad in just a few seconds. I know that we will have days like this but I just want things to be perfect again. I want to be able to smile and really mean it. I mean there are time I smile cause I see how well my dad is doing and everything he will do. But there are also days I just can't even smile at all. I hate feeling so help less and like I. An never do anything. But really all my dad needs is us there and he needs to know no matter what happeneds we are behinds him 110%. I'm just tired of being so weak. I know sometimes I need to cry and let everything out, but I feel when I cry I'm not string for my dad. Last night I just broke down. I cried and cried for hours and just let's myself go. I'm scared,worried, pissed off at the world and just lost. I want things back to normal, I want my dad home and I want to not be stressed. I want this bad dream to be over!!!! My dad will be okay and be great, just going to be a long road but totally worth it all in the end!! I love you daddy so so much!

Update

So last Thursday dad went in for this second surgery for his left hand and to close up his right. It was such great news to know dad right arm was getting closed up. But on his left hand they told us that it would only be tips of his fingers but once they went in to surgery they would know more if he would lose more then tips. He went to surgery about 10 it was easy knowing he has coming out with more gone from him. But we knew that is was for the better and after this things would be looking up. About two hours later we got a call saying it was all over and the doctor would be out shortly to tell us how it all went. The right arm was able to close up really went but the left hand was a little harder. His thumb the only took off just vert little. It looks like they didn't take anything off. His pointer finger they took down to his first knuckle,his middle finger was completely taken off, his ringer finger was taken off down to his second knuckle, and his pinky was taken off to his finger nail. So all in all it was that bad I mean it was more then we thought but he will still have movement and be able to dress himself and do more on his own. Over the weekend the doctor wanted to see how well his kidneys would do on there own. Cause all week he was peeing quit a bit. They had high hope that they were doing better. It was only two days he wouldn't be on dialysis btu those two days totally changed everything. We took a big step back and my dad once again wasn't doing to good. His kidneys weren't flushing out the bad fluid, so the fluid were getting into his lungs again and making it hard to breath. It was like we were back into the ccu and things weren't going to get better. They put him on dialysis right away to try to get all the fluids out. It kinda worked. But every since my dad hasn't been the same. He is very confused on something's. There's times when he will be clear as a bell to not understanding things. He's very very tired. But his body , mind and spirit have been through hell. I know with time he will get better but until then we are just taken it day by day. My dad is a very strong man and there will be bad days but there will also be great days, it's just very hard to see him like this and it's sad to know he doesn't know what's going on. He just knows he was sick. Each day that passes he gets stronger as well as us as a family. I just can't wait Till the day he gets to come home and is able to walk and do everything like he used to. Your amazing daddy!!!!!! I love you

Surgery 2

Yup we are getting ready for surgery number 2. Tomorrow he will be going through surgery to close up his right arm and to lose the tips on his fingers on his left hand. But hey tips of fingers are better then his whole hand. He will still be able to work with that. Again I'm really scared for him to go under, but i know that this one wont take as long. Then after this we will have two weeks for him to heal up and an other 2 weeks or so for rehab and then he will be good to go home!!! Its getting closer.

You all know my dad liver count was clear up to 17,000 at one point. Normally they need to be at 100. Well they did an other count and guess what they are at 130. YAHOO. Amazing right.
Then (this will be T.M.I so sorry ahead of time) Monday my dad farted! Yup I'm excited about him farting. Guess what that's means Kidneys are working. Or starting to work! Then he had a BM which he hadn't had for a week, And then last night my dad told my mom that he needed to pee! Yup you guess right again he PEED!! 2oz. and right before my mom left he peed again. An other 2oz. The little and odd things we get excited for. But hey those farts are huge leaps for us! We like those. The kidney doctor will be coming to in soon to see where his kidney stand now. We are hoping for good news and hopefully he wont have to be on dialysis much longer!

Yesterday was a really good day for my dad. We were able to go for a walk. The nurses got him up into a chair and said we could go for a walk! My dad was so excited to see more then the four walls in his room. He hadn't seen the outside for over two week. He was dieing to see them! I was pretty excited as well. It was a amazing time for my dad and I. It was just the two of us hanging out and having this time to see the great world! He really missed it! Yesterday was a pretty wonderful day. He was doing therapy on his arms and legs to start moving them more and he did that just great! He also had a singer come in and sing a song. You could really tell it lifted him up! Yes yesterday was amazing!

So now we just wait to see how tomorrow goes. I know it will go great. After everything my dad had been through, tomorrow is nothing.!

It will hurt

It will take time

It will require dedication

It will require willpower

You will need to make decision,

 it requires sacrifice

you will need to push your body to its max.

There will be hard time, But i promise you

when you reach it, it will be worth it!

♥

Surgery

Well December 15 was a huge day for my dad and our family. We had a life changing thing happen to us. Something we never thought would happen. My dad had to go thought surgery. After a long 4 hours my dad came out of surgery with no right hand or both legs. Life changing

Now let's go back and I'll explain a little more. Last time I wrote I told everyone that he would have to go through surgery but we weren't sure what he would lose. When my dad was sick all his blood was going to his other organs to keep him alive. So the blood wasn't going to his hands or feet. They also told us that he had a blood clot in his kidney and that what might of caused it as well. With him being so sick. His hand, fingers , feet and toes all died. There was nothing left of them. They tuned black and was flat. Something very hard to see. This whole time my dad was just ready to get this done and over with. They told us if we didn't get this done soon, he would have a high chance of getting very sick again and end up getting septic. Septic is a infection through out the body, that shuts down all the other organs. We didn't want to go through that again. We didn't want to see our dad try to fight for his life. So we knew what we had to do. It was really the best thing for him.

The doctors came in and told my mom that it would be the right hand up to his elbow and both his legs up to the knee. But to us loseing limb weren't anything. We had our dad and that's all the matters. After this was all done we knew that my dad would be on the right side of getting better and getting home soon. I think it was just hard to see his hand and legs for the last time. I made sure i just study them and always remember what they looked like. weird i know but to us those things were important.

Those hands were the ones that held our hand, they fixed things, they seemed to make us better, they were the most important things to him. His feet were the ones that would run with us, the ones that would give me away at my wedding, the ones that would help me with everything. It was just hard to know they wouldn't be there anymore. It broke our heart more cause we knew it would kill my dad to have them gone. He would need help with everything he does till he gets used to it. It was just something we weren't really ready for.

December 15 his surgery was going to be at 7:00 am, didn't happen till 6:00pm. That was the longest day of our life's. We just wanted to get it done and over with. It was just time to get my dad better. I was so scared to have him be under, i didn't think he was healthy enough. I mean it had only been 5 days that he wasn't on the breathing tub, 5 days just didn't seem long enough to make sure he was okay to be put under. But i have trust in the doctor to make sure everything would be okay with my dad. They told us it would take anywhere from 3 hours to 5 hours.  They had to put a breathing tub in when my dad was in surgery cause they wanted it in just in case anything would happen. That was hard to know that would be back in. It felt like we took a step back. And really we didn't.
Saying bye to my dad before they took him to the O.R room was hard. To watch they push him away was SO hard, just not knowing what would happen and trying to think how to they do that, and what i was going to think when i saw them for the first time. I just couldn't put my head around it. My dad was going to be less one hand and two legs. I just couldn't believe it.

After a LONG LONG 4 hours. They called and told us he was done and we would be able to go and see him. I was scared but so ready to see him. Right after the surgery they were able to take out the tub. THANK GOD. They said it did Perfect and it went very very well. Fast then they thought. They told us his left hand still had blood flow going through it, so they did nothing to that hand, hoping in the next few days it would come back. The legs went great but the right hand is where they hand to go up more on him and we knew the right hand was the worst but it was just hard to really know it was the worst... Seeing my dad for the first time wasn't as hard as i thought it would be. He was just really tired and worn out. Who could blame him. So we told him we loved him and headed home. The next day was the hard day. It was just Mike and I that went up. To see his hands all wrapped up and shorter was very Hard to see. but seeing his legs was the HARDEST. But we had to be strong for my dad. We were all strong for each other. We had to be strong or we wouldn't get thought this.

I love my dad more then anything in this whole world and he is my hero! I don't know where i would be without him in my life. I love you daddy!!!

Im just weak

I have had my ups

and i have had many downs.

 Its hard. All i want is my daddy to be home. I know that i will have my dad soon and everything will be back to normal but i just want him home now, or just really soon. I feel so over welled, stressed out, and just sad. I have my times where i just cant be strong anymore, but i never let my dad see that. I have to be strong for him and for my family. But there is times where i just break down into Logan arms and just cry for hours. We have been through so much in the last two weeks. And we still have a long way to go! But it will be worth it in the end. I still have my dad with me and that's all the matters. I hate seeing him in pain or worried. It breaks my heart to see him like that.

I just don't know how to feel anymore, i try so hard to be strong. But it doesn't always happen.

I just want my dad!

My hero

I have been trying to keep everyone updated on facebook, but i have been falling behind. Sorry. But i hope between my sister and i we can keep you pretty much updated as much as we can..

So last time i wrote my dad had just started dialysis, Monday night. Well he was on that alll day and alll night. It was very temperamental every time he would move or cough it would go off. When it goes off they are scared for blood clots, luckily we didn't have to worry about that.. So from Monday till Friday my dad was asleep cause gave him sedation. They reason why was cause my dad wasn't getting any sleep at all. He was very restless and was in a lot of pain. So that was really hard for all us to see him like that..

They did a liver count on him to see if it had gotten any better. Our liver count is suppose to be at 100, my dad was at 17,000. And by the next day or two it dropped to 6,000. The nurse that we had said in her 27 years of working there she had NEVER seen liver that high or drop that fast.. That was a scary day for us. Just not knowing if my dad was going to be alive cause we had no clue if the liver was cut..

When my dad went to the hospital they put fluid into him to keep him stable. 28 litters!!! My dad is VERY tiny, he is tall and skinny. So with this 28 litter my dad weighed about 300 + pounds. He was so swollen. With the Dialysis they were trying to take out as many litters as they could. Or as many as my dad would let out. The last time they told us he still had about 7 litters in him. His poor kidneys still aren't working right. He has to be on Dialysis every other day for 3 hours. Its wears him out.. We are now talking about Kidney transplants. So us kids are going to see if we are a match and get everything ready just in case..

 Saturday was one of the most amazing days of our life. My dad woke up! He sat up on his own AND he got the breathing tub out! It was one good thing after an other. I had never been so happy in my life. Just to hear him cough was the best sound in the world. As weird as that sounds it was the best thing. I was finally able to hear that beautiful voice of his. I was able to see his eyes and hear him say i love you!! It was just amazing! He truly is my hero, my everything and MY DADDY. I'm so lucky yo still have him here with us.. Just a week ago we were planning a funeral. He had 10% chance that he would live through this. and guess what he WAS that 10% that lived through this! He is the strongest man in this whole world. He is the greatest dad! Im so lucky, so lucky!

They have now moved my dad to the 2 floor. the IMCU. He is still as strong as he ever was. But they are still worried about his hands and legs. We will know more about that TODAY. They are thinking he will lose a hand and maybe more. only time will tell. But regardless he will keep fighting and he will do amazing! I cant say it enough but my dad is my HERO

Update on Dad

So last night about 6:30 they started Dad on Dialysis for his kidneys. They know that his kidney aren't working for themselves so they want to try this to see if the kidney will take it. What it is doing is takeing the bad blood out and cleaning it and then putting it back into my dad. They also said that my dad wasn't peeing, and after they started the Dialysis, he had a full bag of pee! Good thing. So that mean kidney are taking it well and likes what its doing. My dad also had a pretty good night last night. He started the same, which is good. We would rather him stay the same then get any worst. He is moving and opening his eye a lot more. His poor hands and feet are still pretty bad, but the swelling is going down. They said they he would lose some fingers as well as some toes. They aren't completely sure about his hands our his feet but we can love without those. WE just cant live without my dad.. He now is off all the medication for his blood pressure, and will be off his heart medication here this after noon.. He also is only 50% on oxygen. Things are getting better, it will be a very long road but totally worth it in the end!
Doctor said that they are completely shocked that his alive and still fighting. But he has something to live for and he has so much to do in life.

I love my daddy more then anything in this world, he is my rock, my hero and my everything! I cant wait to walk out those hospital doors with you!

ALWAYS, YOUR LITTLE GIRL!
♥

Thanks for all the love and support. Keep those prays coming!
♥

December 2

I hate that I have to write this but this is something that I need to keep with me at all time. It know it might not make since so I'm sorry before I even start. I'm going to tell the most important details but skim throught it.

 December 2 2011 My dad was sick with the cold for about three days. Didnt think anything of it till he came and told us that he needed to get to the er. He was having a hard time breathing. We got there checked him in and waited to be called back. He wasnt the same at all. He couldn't walk or really talk to us. Got back to the room. Took his vitals and got him hooked up on some medication. The took somet test and told us that he had pneumonia. Strep pneumonia and that we needed to get him to the u of u as soon as we could. That night the weather was really bad. It was snowing and the wind was pretty crazy so we couldn't get life fight to get here and be safe. So we had to wait for an hour and a half for the a team to get here. The doctor told us that he has fluids in his lung and he needed help fast. It took us about and hour and fifteen minutes to get to the U. The weather was bad. They said that it life fight was able to get there that soon, my dad wouldn't of made it. Cause when we were waiting for them to get here they had him on a breathing tub and some medication to help his blood pressure. If the fight came soon they wouldn't of had any of that's for my dad and we would of lost him on the way over there. Thanks god someone was watching over him. We got to the U about 1 in the morning. My brother was driving down from Idaho to get here and we all got there went up to the forth floor, and waited and waited finally we went to see my dad. I was scared, terrified, didn't know what else was going on. I hadn't seen my dad for a good two hours and had never seen him with anything hooked on him. Finally we went back. They told us he was sick REALLY sick and he needed this help more then anything. His white blood cells were so low. The we're a 3.3 and normally they are a 10-12. The white blood cells are there to fight off anything bad in your body. So that means he didn't have really any fighting for him. That's why when he got sick he got really sick. They had to put tub in his neck to get medication in him and the breathing tub to help him breath better. His heart rate was clear up to 145 and his blood pressure was 70/48. Really low. The told us it will be a very long and pain full road but we will get thought this. So we won't and saw him gave him our loves and headed to the waiting room so the could work their spical touch. That night they wanted to move him to his side to prevent bed sores. Made things a lot worst. They almost lost him that night they said it was a touch and bo all night. There was fluid that was in his lungs moved everywhere else in his body. Making things worst and with more problems to come. They got to his kindeny and his heart and also his liver. Kidneys are shutting down and heart is beating way to fast. I couldn't believe how much medication he was on. How much his body was taken. I just didn't think something like this could happen to my daddy. Why my daddy.


December 3, 2011 Saturday my sister came from California she was really having a hard time with dad. The doctor wanted to talk to us about dad and his sickness. They told us that if we have someone to come and do a blessing and to get all the support here as we could. Things were going bad. Real bad. Keith bird came to do a wonderful blessing for my dad. But right when we got to the room the doctor were waiting for us. Told my mom to sit down cause they had bad news. They said my dad was so sick that he can only take so much more before he won't take anything. They said he was sick and the were scared for him. They also told us that he had a 10% chance to live. We all dropped to our knee and just cried. I knew my dad would pull through this. I just knew it. They asked as the hardest question of them all. They asked when he flat lines do you want us to do chest compression? Those word will always be stuck in my head. Hardest thing we ever had to make but we know our dad and what he would want. Later that day all our family came all dad side all my mom side and as soon as they were all here something sparked for my dad. He fought and fought. He fought so hard that things where looking better. Blood pressure was going up heart was going down after they did a shock to his heart. They had to do it twice cause how high his heart was breaking. They thought it would bring the best down. But after all this mymdad knew he had something and everything to live for!!! We had so many ups and so many downs that day. But we had everyone with us and we knew everything would be okay. We love him more then anything.


December 4, 2011 My dad had a great night! He had a fever of 103.8 but he broke that. His heart rate went down from 159 to 113 his blood pressure went up from 70/48 to 85/55. Things were looking up. We couldn't give up. He was our everything. All day long his heart wouldn't bound all around. From 113 to 126 to 166 to 179 and the back down to 120. It was all over the place. That's when they said they needed to give my a second shock to his heart. That didn't help much. So he was just bouncing everywhere. The doctors wanted to talk to us again. We were scared. They told us that his kindeny were pretty much gone and that there was no blood flow to his hands or feet. They were so purple that when he gets better he might lose them all. All four of them. His legs up to his knee cause they were moving up there. After they told us that. They told us the worst news of them all. His liver was BAD! The worst they have seen in a while. He said worst thing that could happened is the liver is linking and would go to his Brian. Swell the Brian and we would lose him. But they can't find out if the liver is linking cause my dad couldn't do a ct scan cause how bad my dad was. So it was pretty much a waiting game. A long and painful waiting game. Time stood still. Tngs where looking up. But it's like one step forward and three back. It was tough to see him struggle. Later that night they told us things were getting better. His oxygen was down from 100 to 80. So he was breathing more on his own. His blood pressure was going up and heart rate was still bouncing. It had been all day the my dad didn't open his eyes or move around at all. That just broke my heart. His hands were cold and swollen. Just not my dad. They were able to take him off of some blood pressure medication. He was at four and went down to only 1 and a half. He moved his leg a little and moved his head a little for my mom. Made a Us believe he was fighting and not going to give up. He is my world and so much more. I can't see him go throught this. I wish I would take his pain away. So we told him goodnight and went to bed. Or tired to sleep.


December 5,2011 He had a GREAT night again. His heart rate went all the way down to 90's and his blood pressure medication was all fine and he was doing okay without it. His hands where coming back with color and some with his legs. My sister and I wet in to see him and he opened his eyes for us. Just looked at us. Best things in the world to see those beautiful blue eyes. When we were leaving we said daddy we are going to leave for a few minutes. And he moved his head to say no!! And when we asked do want us to stay he said yes!!!! You don't know how much the made us believe. So where we are right now is they are very scared for his kindeny. They haven't been working for three days now and he hasn't peed at all. So they are going to get a something to help start the kindeny. They will work for the kindeny till his are better. We are now waiting to talk to the doctor. So lets hope for GREAT news again! We have been throught so many heart ach we cay do much more.

So please keep praying tell the day my daddy walks out of this hospital! Keep giving him your strength. Keep us in your thoughts tonight and every night. We need it. Thank you all for everything you do. We love you all with everything we have!!! My dad will be okay and will fight this and will be home soon!!!!!!!!! I love you to the moon and back daddy!!!!
 Always your little girl!!

Im a blogger and i suck

Yes its true.

I blog but i look back at my blogs i think "Wow i really suck with my word", and i suck at blogging. I know this blog is for me in the future, but i know i have some people who read it. I feel bad for them, i never make sense and i suck at putting my word in this. Haha

So I need something, i need to be better at this whole blogging thing. I don't know what its going to be but i will find it one day and i promise i will be a better blogger..

ONE DAY ;-)

Just a little something.

So Ive seen this on a few blog, so i thought it would be fun for me to do. :)

Here i go.

I am weird because....

I would rather stay inside then be outside.
I cant ever keep to one thing.
I have million of list but i never seem to get any of them done.
I cry more then i need to.
I burp all the time.


I am a bad friend because...

I don't call or text as much as i really should.
I am terrible about making plans and sticking to them.
I something done have much to say.
I sometime don't check my phone and forget to write them tell the next day.


I am a good friend because.

I listen to every word they say.
I am supportive.
I tell them the truth and don't leave anything behind.
I would do anything for my friend at any time of the day.
I love my friends with everything i am.

I am sad because.

I have no money.
I hate the snow and its coming if i like it or not.
My bfff and my family lives to far away.
I feel like i could be so much better for my family.
Time flies by.
Logan and I fight way to much.

I am happy because.

I have a beautiful 4 year old who is my everything.
I have a man that loves me with everything he has.
I am alive, and health
Christmas is coming.
I can laugh at myself or laugh at nothing at all.
I have an amazing family that keeps me going.
I have wonderful friends.

I am excited for.

A new year, and new milestones to come
Christmas, Christmas with my family of 3
Connor 4th birthday
A new nephew of niece coming in July
My 21st birthday.

Crazy December

December is going to be a CRAZY and BUSY month for my family. Every weekend we have something planned. I love that about Christmas, i love being busy but not over welled.

IT started Thanksgiving and wont end till mine and Logan 3rd year anniversary.Yes THREE years can you believe it. I cant haha But i love it!

Anyways like i said it started with Thanksgiving.

Nov 24-27: Thanksgiving and my brother was down for the weekend.

December 2-4: We have Scott Christmas family party. And each year Barb gets us together and we all put Christmas decoration up.

December 9-11: We are going up to Idaho for Austin 1st birthday. Then we will go to my aunt and have a great together and Sunday we will go to my other aunt and have breakfast. Busy but fun weekend

December 16-18: Connor birthday weekend! YA then we are going up to Idaho once again for my Dad side of the family Christmas party! So we get to hang out with them all weekend.

December23-25 CHRISTMAS!!! Enough said right. This year Logan and i are staying here in Utah (My first Christmas in Utah) We are going to have a Christmas with just the THREE of us! I'm going to love that more then anything. It will be different but oh boy i cant wait!

December 30-January 1: New years! That weekend is always busy for us! We are always having a get together or just hanging out. Still busy i think so.

I LIED i guess we skip 2 weekend before mine and Logan Anniversary.

January 20-22: Third year anniversary. We are going to do something big just don't know what to do yet. This weekend I'm going to need after the month of December. Ahh

I seriously love this time of year! I hate the snow and the cold but i LOVE the feel. It just seems to bring everyone closer together and seems like everyone is always happy! I cant wait to go and look at all the Christmas lights, smell the smell of Christmas, see all the happy faces, and just the feel of shopping. (Even tho I'm done shopping). Yup i cant wait for this crazy and busy month.

Mostly i cant wait for 3 years with this amazing man!!

 And to celebrate this little man 4th birthday!

CHRISTMAS IS IN THE AIR............AND I LOVE IT!! :)

♥