Sunday, March 11, 2012

Letting go.

I look at my blog and i think that i can be a better blogger.. I see all the other blogs a follow and they know just how to put their words. I'm the kind of person who doesn't open up. It take me a long LONG time to tell someone how i feel. I always feel like i have no more to talk to, and the reason why is cause i don't open up! I don't like talking or expressing my feelings. That's bad for myself cause i always want to talk to someone, but i always think that they will shut  me down, or make fun or me, or just hate me for how I'm feeling. I know i know I'm bad. But that's just who i am. 

A lot of my trust issues started after Travis left me (Connor's......Dad). I felt like i wasn't good enough for anyone! Still i don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone. I think that i could be a better mom, better girlfriend, or daughter, and even a friend. I know that i could be better with all that. But i feel like I'll never be good enough! When Travis left me, i just knew it was all my fault. How could someone leave me when i was pregnant, carrying his child, and when i needed that person the MOST. Just up and leave me. I knew i had done something completely wrong in life. I felt lost and broken. I still do. And that's where mine and Logan problem comes in at. I need to let the past GO!!! The past has made me who i am today, but it doesn't need to control my life. 

I'm ready to make a change. I don't have feelings for Travis. I haven't for 4 years, but when i look at Connor, i see him. I know if i let Travis go away from my mind, i can make a better life for my family! I can stop seeing Travis in my son  and i can make a better life for Logan and I! I'm IN love with Logan and i want to be with him forever, but i don't think we can make a big step till i let go of my past. I need to let go of Travis hurting me. Logan inst Travis, and i know Logan would never leave me. He would never leave Connor! Logan is the Love of my life and i need to remember that I'M the love of his life! I need to believe it, and I'm trying to. Its just hard..

But I'm ready to let go of my past. I'm 20 years old, and i need to start making a future with My amily.
And I'm ready to start trusting the people in my life. I need to, or I'm going to lose myself. :)

I love you Logan so much!!!


FORGET WHAT HURT YOU IN THE PAST, BUT NEVER FORGET WHAT IT TAUGHT YOU!!

Friday, March 9, 2012

Beating the Odds



Beating the Odds
by Rachel Madison

Tooele resident Terry Higgins survived a life-threatening illness, amputations and three months in a hospital to be back with his family 

On Dec. 2, 2011, after battling what he thought was a common cold for three days, Tooele resident Terry Higgins told his wife he needed to go to the emergency room. He was having a hard time breathing, talking and walking.

His wife, Vicki, took him to Mountain West Medical Center, where he was diagnosed with pneumonia. Terry, 54, was told he needed to go the University of Utah hospital for additional care because his pneumonia had turned septic. Chemicals released into his blood to fight the infection had triggered widespread inflammation, leading to a life-threatening drop in blood pressure called septic shock. His kidneys shut down, his liver enzymes — needed to trigger activity in the body’s cells and maintain various metabolic processes within the liver — went from a count of 100 to 17,000, and his heart was beating as rapidly as 180 beats per minute.

“They had him on four blood pressure medications just to keep him going,” Vicki said. “They told us he only had a 10 percent chance of survival, and that there was nothing they could do.”

Torie Castro, Terry’s daughter, said at that point the family started making funeral arrangements.

“We just left it in God’s hands,” she said. “That’s what the doctors told us to do.”

Before Terry was admitted into the hospital, he was completely healthy and at a normal weight. He spent the next 13 weeks in the hospital, underwent five surgeries and lost 25 pounds, but on March 3, he was finally able to go home. Terry said his journey for those 13 weeks was anything but easy, and the doctors that worked with him call his survival miraculous.

Because Terry’s kidneys had quit functioning the night he was admitted into the hospital, blood flow to his hands and feet had been minimal. His family was told then that he would most likely lose both feet and both hands.

“I remember looking down at my feet and they were just black,” Terry said. “The doctors said something about amputation, and I thought, ‘Well, if it’s going to save my life, I guess I’ll have to get it done.’”

In addition, because his liver enzyme count was so high, they were told that the enzymes could leak out of his liver and flow up to his brain, which could kill him. He was also placed on a breathing tube to help him get enough oxygen. During this time, doctors also put 28 liters of fluid into Terry to keep him stable because of his low blood pressure.

“It was like if you touched him, he would pop,” Castro said. “Fluid was coming out of his pores, and caused blisters all over him.”

Terry started on dialysis on Dec. 6 with the hope that his kidneys would start functioning again. On Dec. 10, he was able to come off of his breathing tube. This is one of the few moments of his 13 weeks in the hospital that he remembers.

“The only thing I can remember is my family always being there by my side,” he said. “Every time I looked around there was always part of my family there. That’s what helped me get through what I got through.”

On Dec. 15, Terry had to undergo surgery to have both of his feet and lower calves removed, and his right hand and arm below the elbow removed.

“There just wasn’t any life left in them,” Castro said. “After the doctors took it all off, the life that came back was amazing.”

Less than a week later, Terry had to have some fingers on his left hand removed as well. At first, it was hard for him to deal with the loss of his legs and arm.

“It was hard, but I lived with it,” he said. “I can get around and do a few things.”

During the week of Christmas, Castro said the doctors tried to keep Terry off of dialysis. She said he was fine on Christmas Eve, but by the day after Christmas, he needed a full oxygen mask and an emergency dialysis run.

“Once they did that dialysis, he was better,” she said. “He came back to life. Everything after that was going well for two weeks. His kidneys went back to normal, and he wasn’t on any medications or oxygen.”

Beginning the first week of January, Terry no longer needed dialysis. However, once again, Terry hit another bump on the road to recovery on Jan. 6. He began to have severe pain in his abdomen, and after a cat scan, it was discovered that he had a benign mass in his small intestine.

“He had to have two surgeries, and they removed 4 inches of his intestine,” Castro said.

The second surgery was due to a hole the size of a pin in his intestine, Castro said.

“He had all this fluid in his body, so they put a tube down his nose to drain fluid from his stomach,” she said. “He has an opening underneath his breast bone that goes down to his belly button. It can fit a football inside it. The doctors are letting it heal on its own, but right now it’s still open.”

After a fifth surgery to remove all the skin from the blisters Terry had, he began to heal quickly. During the rest of the month of January he was able to have his stitches removed from his amputations and was even able to start leaving his hospital bed and move to a wheelchair for a few hours at a time. On Jan. 31, after 122 days in various sections of the hospital, Terry was finally able to go to rehab.

“He got very discouraged and depressed toward the end, but his attitude on top of it all is what helped him make it to where he is today,” Castro said.

In rehab Terry did speech therapy, was fitted for his prosthetic legs, and after he received them, was able to start learning how to walk on them. After a month in rehab, Terry was able to go home.

He’s now been on his prosthetic legs for about two weeks. Terry will continue to work with a physical therapist to regain strength in his muscles and learn how to become even more independent with his prosthetic legs and arm.

“I got right up on my legs really fast,” he said. “I just started walking away.”

Terry will be fitted for his prosthetic arm this week, and should receive it next week.

Zoe Hallowell, registered nurse at the burn unit at the University of Utah hospital — where Terry spent several weeks after his amputations — spent a lot of time with Terry during his stay. She said his recovery was remarkable, but that it didn’t surprise her because he maintained such a positive outlook.

“He persevered. He was a strong man every day and he kept a really positive attitude and never gave up,” she said. “It was a pleasure working with him. He definitely beat the odds.”

“He says he’s going to start running soon,” Castro said. “Before all this happened when he walked he had long strides and we had to run to keep up with him, and it seems like we’ll have to do the same thing.”

Terry, who is employed as a welder at Union Pacific Railroad, said once he is given the OK, he plans to return to normal life and start working again.

“I’m a pretty fast learner, and I can get in the habit of welding again,” he said. “I’m hoping within the next six months to a year, I’ll be back to work. I’ll get my strength back up to my normal self.”

Terry said the support of his family and a good attitude are the two things that helped him through all of his surgeries and pain.

“Times can get you down, but I always have somebody next to me,” he said. “I’ve never changed at all, I’m just myself. And thank God for family.”

Vicki said Terry’s positive attitude helped the whole family.

“He never once gave up,” she said. “He knows he can’t change the past, and he just has to go with what he has now. We’ve learned that you don’t take anyone or anything for granted because it can be taken away from you in a heartbeat.”

Vicki said her family also learned how important it is to love unconditionally.

“It’s been a roller coaster, but the end result is that we still have him here,” Castro said. “We all wondered how he would react to all of this, but he just doesn’t look back. All the doctors call him a miracle. We call him our superman and our hero, because he’s indestructible.” 


Read more: Tooele Transcript Bulletin - Beating the Odds 

Home sweet home.

 After 3 Months,
13 Weeks,
92 Days,
2,208 Hours,
5 Surgeries,
4 Different units,
and hundreds of Doctors and nurses.

MY DAD IS FINALLY HOME!!!!!

After tons of ups and down, billions of tears, sore body, and million of miles.

HE IS HOME.
And home for GOOD!!!

Saturday was the best day of our life, we walked out of the hospital together, arm in arm, hand in hand, we walked out as a family. Together we got through the hardest thing we have ever had to do. We got thought something i wish no one has to go through! We walked with a miracle, our Superman!
As a family we made it!

3 months ago we were planning a funeral, We were getting asked the hardest question we ever had to answer. We didn't think our dad would make it! But we were wrong. 3 months to the day of us planning this funeral, we were walking out with our dad, taking him home. 3 long months....


I cant believe that 3 long months and we are home! My dad is healthy, and my dad is back to normal!
We don't have to drive up to the hospital anymore, no more finding parking spots, no more hospital smell, and no more beeping noise from all the machines. Now all we are going to hear, is my dad telling us what to do, watching the NASCAR, and hearing his voice! I love it





We had my dad kids and grand kids, and we had my aunts and uncles, waiting at the house for him. Balloons welcoming him home.Us jumping up and down cause he was home finally. Just watching that car pull up to OUR house was the greatest thing in the world. To watch my dads face light up, and to see his smile on his face made my day. He is home and home for good! I cant say it enough but he is HOME!!!!!.


I cant say thank you all for all the support and love! All the prayers and the sweet words, help all us through this! Without you all we wouldn't of made it home!
You truly never know how much you are loved till something like this happens. 
But i now know that we are loved and that people will help every way they could!

MY DAD IS HOME!!!!
He is home!!