Mommy, Somebody Needs You

This really hit home for me. I read this wonderful post over at your best nest. 

It just really made me think that i need to take the time with my kids, and not get mad at the little things. Cause on day they will be big and they wont need me like they need me now. 

Mommy, Somebody Needs You.” Posted on February 27, 2014 Ever since we brought our new daughter home, her older brothers have been the first to tell me when she is crying, whimpering, or smelling a little suspicious. “Somebody needs you,” they say. I have no idea how this little saying started, but at first it sort of annoyed me. I could be enjoying a quick shower… “Mommy, somebody needs you. The baby is crying.” Or, sitting down for a second, quite aware that the baby was beginning to stir from a nap…. “Mama, somebody needs you!” Okay! I get it already! And not to mention that the newborn’s needs pale in comparison to the needs of 2 little boys. Somebody always needs a snack, a band-aid, a different sock, ice cubes in their water, a NEW Paw Patrol, a stream of snot wiped, a hug, a story, a kiss. Some days never seem to end, and the monotony of being “needed” can really take its toll. Then, it all started to hit me, they need ME. Not anybody else. Not a single other person in the whole world. They need their Mommy.

 The sooner I can accept that being Mommy means that I never go off the clock, the sooner I can find peace in this crazy stage of life. That ‘Mommy’ is my duty, privilege and honor. I am ready to be there when somebody needs me, all day and all night. Mommy means I just put the baby back down after her 4am feeding when a 3-year-old has a nightmare. Mommy means I am surviving on coffee and toddler leftovers. Mommy means my husband and I haven’t had a real conversation in months. Mommy means I neglect myself and put others before my needs, without a thought. Mommy means that my body is full of aches and my heart is full of love. 

I am sure there will come a day when no one needs me. My babies will all be long gone and consumed with their own lives. I may sit alone in some assisted living facility watching my body fade away. No one will need me then. I may even be a burden. Sure, they will come visit, but my arms will no longer be their home. My kisses no longer their cure. There will be no more tiny boots to wipe the slush from or seat belts to be buckled. I will have read my last bedtime story, 7 times in a row. I will no longer enforce time outs. There will be no more bags to pack and unpack or snack cups to fill. I am sure my heart will yearn to hear those tiny voices calling out to me, “Mommy, somebody needs you!” 

So for now, I find beauty in the peaceful 4am feedings in our cozy little nursery. We are perched above the naked oak trees in our own lavender nest. We watch the silent snow fall and a bunny scampering across its perfect white canvas. It’s just me and my little baby, the neighborhood is dark and still. We alone are up to watch the pale moon rise and the shadows dance along the nursery wall. She and I are the only ones to hear the barn owl hooting in the distance. We snuggle together under a blanket and I rock her back to sleep. It’s 4am and I am exhausted and frustrated, but it’s okay, she needs me. Just me. And maybe, I need her too. Because she makes me Mommy. Some day she will sleep through the night. Some day I will sit in my wheelchair, my arms empty, dreaming of those quiet nights in the nursery. When she needed me and we were the only two people in the world.

 Can I enjoy being needed? Sometimes, sure, but often it is tiring. Exhausting. But, it isn’t meant to be enjoyed every moment. It is a duty. God made me their Mom. It is a position I yearned for long before I would ever understand it. Over a 3 day weekend my husband couldn’t believe how many times our boys kept saying, “Mommy. Mommy. Mommy”! “Are they always like this?” he asked not able to hide his terror, and sympathy. “Yep. All day, everyday. That’s my job.” And I have to admit that it is the toughest job I have ever had. In a previous life I was a restaurant manager for a high volume and very popular chain in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida. A Saturday night at 7:30pm with the expo window overflowing with dishes, a 2 hour wait, and the electricity inexplicably going out has got nothing on a Tuesday, 5:00pm at the Morton house. And let me tell ya, South Florida diners are some of the toughest to please. But, they are a cake walk compared to sleep-deprived toddlers with low blood sugar. 

Once upon a time, I had time. For myself. Now, my toe nails need some love. My bra fits a little differently. My curling iron might not even work anymore, I don’t know. I can’t take a shower without an audience. I’ve started using eye cream. I don’t get carded any more. My proof of motherhood. Proof that somebody needs me. That right now, somebody always needs me. Like last night…

 At 3am I hear the little footsteps entering my room. I lay still, barely breathing. Maybe he will retreat to his room. Yeah right.

 “Mommy.” “Mommy.” A little louder. 

“Yes”. I barely whisper. 

He pauses, his giant eyes flashing in the dim light.

 “I love you.”

 And just like that, he is gone. Scampered back to his room. But, his words still hang in the cool night air. If I could reach out and snatch them, I would grab his words and hug them to my chest. His soft voice whispering the best sentence in the world. I love you. A smile curls across my lips and I slowly exhale, almost afraid to blow the memory away. I drift back to sleep and let his words settle into my heart.

 One day that little boy will be a big man. There will no longer be any sweet words whispered to me in the wee hours. Just the whir of the sound machine and the snoring husband. I will sleep peacefully through the night, never a worry of a sick child or a crying baby. It will be but a memory. These years of being needed are exhausting, yet fleeting. I have to stop dreaming of “one day” when things will be easier. Because, the truth is, it may get easier, but it will never be better than today. Today, when I am covered in toddler snot and spit up. Today, when I savor those chubby little arms around my neck. Today is perfect. ”One day” I will get pedicures and showers alone. ”One day” I will get myself back. But, today I give myself away, and I am tired, and dirty and loved SO much, and I gotta go. Somebody needs me. SomebodyNeedsYou

36 Weeks

What's up with Baby this week? 

36 Weeks 

Our little man is weighing in at a little over 6 1/3 Pounds 

and about 19inches long.

The size of A bunch of Swiss Chard.

The countdown to your sweet lil' womb hi-jacker's eviction is closing in! In fetal developments: most of the bones (soft skull aside) in their little body are now completely hardened, providing a solid structure from which they can now make their grand debut into the world. In physical fitness news: your mini-champ's muscle tone is improving, and you’ll be impressed by their steel-like Ulnar grasp (a newborn reflex that occurs if you lay your finger in their palm). Your baby's nearly done baking! our baby is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day.

He now weighs almost 6 pounds and is more than 18 1/2 inches long (about the size of a head of romaine lettuce). She's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected her skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of her first bowel movement. At the end of this week, your baby will be considered "early term." (Full-term is 39 to 40 weeks. Babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term, 41 weeks is late term, and those born after 42 are post-term.)
 Most likely your baby is already head-down. But if not, your practitioner may suggest scheduling an external cephalic version (ECV). That's a fancy way of saying that your practitioner will apply pressure to your abdomen to try to manipulate your baby into a head-down position. See what your baby looks like this week. (Or see what fraternal twins look like in the womb this week.)

 Symptoms?  I dont even know what to say anymore.
Im miserable and i still have 4 more weeks.

Gender? Handsome little boy!

Excited For?

Getting to meeting my little Izaac!

Maternity Clothes? BEST FRIENDS!!!!

Sleep? What the heck is this thing you call sleep???

Im getting none of that around this household. :(

Movement? Lots and lots!! He is like a little kicking ninja. It so neat to watch my belly move like the waves.

Belly Button Status? OUTIE.. 

Missing Anything?

Breathing
Being myself

Sleep!

Milestones? 

Making it to 36. Can we please be done already

Cravings? Nothing, I just like to eat anything..

Weight Gain?  30 YUCK!!!! 

Doctor appointment 

35 weeks and 6 days.

Everything again looked great! My blood pressure was great and my weight was right on track. 

Little mans heart beat was perfect and he is all ready for delivery. 

Doctor said that Izaac is weighing about 7 Pounds. 

I'm dilated to a 2.5 and 65% thinned out! Getting closer but not close enough.

She told me that she doesnt think she would see me in her office again BUT if she did the next time she would strip my membranes to get things moving along! Im just really hoping he gets here soon cause this momma is done being pregnant!

24 for days!

I have so many emotions running thought my head right now. I feel like i have never done this before and im trying to get myself ready for something i have done. 

Yes i know it has been 6 long years and 6 years ago i was still a little baby myself. But i think to myself 

"Why are you freaking out like this Chelby" 

~Im scared that i wont be able to do the labor and that im going to puss out and get the epidural, which is fine and all but i want to be able to go without it as long as i can.

~I'm scared that im going to tear. With Connor my doctor was awesome enough to stay in the room with me to massage down below. I told my new doctor about this and she said she does the same thing. But im still scared that im going to tear cause i feel like little Izaac isn't going to be so little.

~ I'm scared of becoming a momma of TWO. How am i going to be able to take the time with both my boys and make sure they both know how much they mean to me and how important it is to have an amazing bound with each one of them. Will i love one differently then the other one and will they be able to notice it?

~ I'm scared i wont be able to breastfeed like i want to. I never tried to do this with Connor, only because i was still in high school and didn't want to take the time to have to pump at school. Awkward right!!! But this time i have study and study everything about breastfeeding. I know its going to take time and take patients, but what if i cant do this!

~ I'm scared to go back to work after my 6 weeks off. Who is going to watch little Izaac. My dad wont be able to cause well he has one kinda good arm and no legs. He wouldn't be able to change or feed little man. So i have to start thinking of who is going to take care of my baby. I hate feeling like someone else is raising him more then i am. What if they get him on to a routine that doesn't work with me. Or what if they don't feed him the breast milk like i want them to. Or what if Izaac think they are his momma.. It just breaks my heart to think about that. 

~ I'm scared my husband and i might drift apart. I know our love will grow much more once we have Izaac, but there is always that "What if".

~ I'm scared i wont be able to keep my house clean and laundry picked up. Yes i know i wont have the cleanest house on the block but i also don't want the dirtiest.

I know im getting myself all worked up over nothing. But i just want whats best for my family and baby. I want to be the mom of the year and the wife of the year. I just want everyone to be happy.. 

I feel like im becoming a mom for the first time and i have no clue what i am doing anymore.